The Cost of Denial: When Families Fail Their Elders
The past few days have exposed the full collapse of a dysfunctional family system. This isn't about blame. It's about accountability, survival, and facing reality without flinching.
The patriarch is 87. He has Parkinson's, spinal stenosis, and severe dehydration. He recently collapsed. Now he's hospitalized, immobile, and in constant pain. He says he wants to die. He likely will soon. The recommendation is palliative care. Skilled nursing may be an option, but it would be private pay. The family doesn't have the money.
The two sons hold medical and financial power. One is an ER doctor. The other is a combat veteran on disability with ASD-1. Neither is equipped to provide proper care. Yet they control the directives. When the daughter raised concerns, they threatened legal action and cut her off.
The mother has advanced Alzheimer's. She plays poker at the casino daily. Her short-term memory is under five minutes. No one is providing adequate oversight. The family ignores her decline.
The hospital is pushing discharge. The case worker told the daughter, "It is what it is." The social worker is non-committal. Hospice in-home training is the only realistic path. All other options require private pay or state guardianship.
This is systemic elder neglect. The doctor son is preserving control. His decisions serve ego and control, not love or dignity. He will not initiate a DNR. He does not advocate. He obeys protocol. He has emotionally abandoned his parents.
The daughter is the only one voicing truth. She isn’t named on the directives. She isn’t being heard. But she sees the abuse. She sees the disintegration. She tried to protect her niece once. The family turned on her. Now they exclude her entirely.
The niece is 17. She has a history of suicidal behavior. Her parents are controlling. They suppress her autonomy. They push film school applications but prevent her from exploring creative work. They perform a narrative, but there is no support. No trust. No emotional availability.
The father-in-law will not recover. He is dying. The hospital will discharge soon. He cannot go home. The caregiver has no capacity. The mother cannot care for herself. The brothers pretend it will resolve. It won’t.
The daughter should say goodbye. She should document concerns. She should speak clearly to the case manager. She should ask for written confirmation of recommendations and discharge plans. She should protect herself legally.
She should not return to the mobile home. She should not bear the weight of the family's denial. Her responsibility is to her own family, to truth, and to dignity.
This family system is broken. Love without action is not love. Duty without empathy is control. Survival requires truth.
No one escapes this. Everyone learns.
The only question is: who pays, and when.
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Enrique Arteaga - Chief Reality Officer - elevate.epo © 2025